did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
