i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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