It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
