would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
