I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
