I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
