I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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