I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
be right there i have to get my cape
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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