Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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