I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
