I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
