Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
