when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
