how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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