Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
