i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
