He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
