Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
