is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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