Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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