The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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