We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
