i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
