Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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