Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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