Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize