haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
