ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
