i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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