Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
