I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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