so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
