i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
