i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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