He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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