At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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