Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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