That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
