You smell like a Billy Joel song
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
