i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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