if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
