Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
