maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
