Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
