oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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