I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
