It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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