I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You pole danced in your parka.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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