i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
