I am in a vortex of obligation.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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