Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
