i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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