We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
