we're blogging at a bar
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
