I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
