he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
