Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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