I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
