i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
