There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
