history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
