She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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