This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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