Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
