I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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