I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
