So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
