put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
