Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
