She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
