At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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