angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
