If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
