I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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