what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
false alarm, still single
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
