imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
