turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
