Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
