Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
