I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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