You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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