I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
