So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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