god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Vodka?
Forever.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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