so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
