just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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