Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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