listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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