I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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