I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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