Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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