yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
