i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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